Tuesday, June 12, 2012
medicine brain
When all this is over and I'm no longer exhausted from anemia; infection; chemo; pain; and lack of sleep, and am finally able to get through a day without any thought to pain management, I am going to be so very awake. I hope I can find a way to make good use of all that energy and clarity. I am excited for that day I am out of this constant fog because it is going to taste exactly like sitting on the dock at camp late at night when it is just cool enough for a hoodie and you fill your lungs as far as they can take it just to have some of that magic in you. I try to simulate the feeling at the beach or up at my folks' place in the woods, but chemicals and fatigue keep turning cool air off the lake into warm air just before a rain.
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I'm trying to do this myself, but from a vastly less traumatic space. Just don't be discouraged if it takes a while to get as clear as you'd like. Speaking from experience, if your brain is used to being foggy, it takes little while to retrain some discipline. It will happen, of course, just don't be discouraged if it's slow and steady change instead of overnight. I greatly enjoy your description of how it feels though. I had a night on the dock at my camp one time before surgery that felt very similar.
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