Today is day 192

My memory is still damaged from the BMT. It doesn't help that I spent two years on a variety of strong medication to keep my chronic pain under control. I can't remember a lot of details from things I have read or seen in the last few years, and sometimes things I do remember get a little scrambled when I try to recall them. Trying to have pop culture conversations can be a little embarrassing, though I get the benefit of re-experiencing a story with a fresh mind if I want to come back to something I know I enjoyed but remember foggily.

I am trying to learn javascript, and it is making me crazy. I refreshed my HTML and CSS knowledge without much effort, but learning a new language is harder than I expected. I've been splitting my learning between Code Academy (which has a handy experiential tutorial, but is sometimes buggy) and w3schools.com (which is information-rich, sometimes to a fault for a beginner), so I have everything I need to know at my fingertips. Still, I have a lot of moments of staring dumbly at my screen while I try to remember something I learned five minutes ago. This is tough. I am used to learning everything quickly, processing new information easily, rarely slowing down. What gives me hope, though, is that my brain seems to function a little better every day.

Exercise seems to help. The more I can get moving, the sharper I feel. I guess that should be obvious, what with improved circulation and all the science behind exercise and improved mood and mental faculties, but I tell you I am living it. Usually, I do 30 minutes of recumbent bike and 15-20 minutes of strength-building like resistance bands. I just got into this "30 Day Shred" video series put out by Jillian Michaels, which is maybe a little more intensity than I need but it burns soooo good. I made it all the way through for the first time last night and today I am still feeling a little wimpy. I was nervous to walk down the stairs this morning! I'm not an idiot, though, so today I am taking it easy, doing a little flow yoga, and enjoying my day. I also took a break from javascript and am having a little "weekend" kind of day. I have to remind myself that if something is wearing me out or making me feel nuts, I need to take a break and shift gears so I don't burn myself out.